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I do not give you this permission

It is not arrogance, it is self-respect.

To fully understand the message about ‘I do not give you this permission’, it is important to practice EMPATHY:

“Empathy is the ability to understand the experiences of the other person to realize what he feels and why he reacts in a certain way.”

When A shows resistance to an action of B, whatever it is, A is delimiting its space and there is nothing wrong with doing so. But some people are embarrassed to warn the boundary of the invader. Yes, invader, because whoever exceeds the limit without authorization is invading and whoever invades, disrespects.

The constraint of those who delimit the space can be given by some aspects:

– afraid of being rude;

– the feeling of being selfish;

– doubt it will sound arrogant; and / or

– fear to be rejected.

From these sensations, the attitude could be that of consent, often without the pressure of the other, but also without the clarity about the real desire to allow.It’s like, ‘I allow it, but I’m not completely in agreement with the other and I only do it because I’m afraid of being rejected / rude / arrogant / selfish.’

The protection mechanism ends up becoming an act of violation: ‘I leave, but I do not feel good about it and I only do it to please the other’. The other? The other in the first place?The mental exercise is now to clarify for yourself who is in the first place on the priority list.If the highlight is the other, you put yourself in the corner. And if you put yourself in that position, the other will feel entitled not to value you.

The dynamics happen every day everywhere: at home, in the relationship with the family; at school, in the relationship with teachers and colleagues; at work, with the boss, peers and subordinates; in the source-journalist relationship. How is that in your reality; Have you stopped to think how you act and react?

As long as there is no self-worth, anything can be allowed. It’s as if you authorize abuse; After all, you gave the space! When you feel like a owner of the space and valued, those who used to give up now are better positioned. And that does not mean shouting or putting your finger on the table. That means self-respect!

However, respecting and positioning yourself can be confused, according to one’s beliefs, with arrogance. The distorted view that someone who knows what he wants and communicates well is arrogant, it happens that way by someone who does not feel capable of achieving the same level of performance and is offended by the other person’s proper posture. It’s different to know if you stand up and be arrogant. Let’s work out the differences to avoid confusion?

WHO STANDS WELL:

-tells clearly about your objectives;

-positioned firmly.Body posture, expressiveness of the face and handshake are those who have positive, living energy in search of the

-use action verbs in infinity and not in gerund: instead of ‘I am doing’, prefers ‘I am going to do’. Not to think about the ‘I’m going to be doing’ way that, besides wrong, shows an incredible lack of commitment to the result;

-use words that show commitment and avoid the ‘I think’;

-has positive vocabulary, no complaints;

-does not make intrigues, gossip or work against the group’s results;

-always sees opportunities where others see crisis;

-does not count on advantages to exalt himself, but adds experiences to the group;

– no need to show off.

WHO IS ARROGANT:

-has no habit of practicing empathy;

-has sophisticated vocabulary, because he does not care that the other does not understand him;

-does not value the space of the other in an interaction, because he only thinks of his own exhibition;

-counts advantages with the intention of being better positioned in relation to the other;

-The body posture can transmit the snobby feeling, with the chin above the normal level to see the people from above;

-It gives more value to the HAVE than to the BEING;

– is resistant to the news, why you are afraid of new and insecure about your performance;

-is not enough and, to defend himself, compares to the other, promoting intrigue;

– use of the position of power to try to convince.

As you can see, positioning yourself well has nothing to do with being arrogant. What often happens is that the human being thinks: either I will give in or I am arrogant.It is important to evaluate what would be the intermediate point of this, as in a rule, where the zero point is always to give way and point 15 is to be arrogant. Is there a GOOD POINT in the middle of this, that can help you to be more consistent with your values?

With the construction of this understanding, it is possible to perceive its own space and not to constrain itself in the delimitation of its space to say “no, thank you”, “you can not do that”, “I do not want to” and so on.

Author: Aurea Regina de Sá

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